I got a job, well I have had it for a while now. I am starting to be allowed to work by myself, in which I am completely terrified. I still feel that I am not the best person for the job. We got an email today that the burner that I was using yesterday was not turned off all the the way. I just emailed the professor I worked for and was like “Hey, I think that it is my fault that it got left on and that it won’t happen again.” I said. it a lot differently. He emailed me back and was like “It’s ok, no one was hurt and I know that you are still learning and don’t let this happen again.”
It was still one of those moments that I am remind myself that I am not cut out for this job. I am not really sure what I am doing half the time. I know how to put away jars and lids.I don’t know how to do the chemical stuff. I can put stuff in the machine to clean it and take it out and wash dishes. I am still learning, I guess.
I also just changed my major to being an English major, hopefully doing something with American Lit. in the future. I might enjoy British Lit. over American and decided to go that way but other then that I have a basic understanding on what I want to do. I know I still what to get my PH.D. and go to graduate school. I love school way to much, not to do it. I love everything about books and having real conversations about books (fiction and reality brush together but never really touch (from the movie, The Words)). There is still going to be a lot of work that needs to be done. In terms of grammar, developing my ideas, paragraph structure, how to write a wonderful transition without it being awkward, how to write beautiful conclusions (mine are slightly odd most of the time.), past and present tenses. Things I do well, I write amazing introduction paragraphs and at times I have these moments of genius thoughts. (Hint: The Road).
We talked a lot in my English class about the quest for King Arthur and the Holy Grail (Grail Narratives) and I wish I had the article in front of me. Just pulled it up, I could considering King Arthur to be a Grail Narrative. It talks more about Perceval and the Fisher King. I don’t really know what I am talking about.
Also I have been looking at Boston University: American Literature and English program. It seems perfect for me right now. It has been added to the list of possible places to go for graduate school.