Right now, I am taking Chesterton advice, “When you feel overwhelmed, write it out. For writing is always the best reliever of stress.” combined with my best friends advice, “stress eating helps too”.
I really did not think that French would be this difficult, I understand what we are doing in class but I struggle with spelling, pronunciation (vowel and nasal sounds), and new vocabulary. After receiving a low quiz grade and then not doing well on the quiz for Friday (misspelled words that I know how to spell and simple vocab. words that I know). The class is 2 hrs. long which does not bother but I spent so much time on the quiz that I did not get a break which left me very discouraged and beating myself for the rest of the class. Pronunciation is getting worse/ better, it is difficult to decide which. I can tell time really well, the days of the week, numbers, and I am currently working on the alphabet . I don’t really like to talk because I feel embarrassed when I get things wrong. It did not really help that my professor was telling us stories on Friday about past students, who were blind, that took French and got an A. I just feel that I could do more, more preparation then from what I am already doing. On days that I work, I come how about 2:30 and rest till 3. I start homework around 3 and work till about 6. I have dinner at 6ish with my family and then study after dinner for 30 mins. and then I go to work at 8-11. On days that I don’t work, I have the whole evening to work on French. That has only happened once this week since we started on Tuesday.
I haven’t bothered to start on history in till today, I took yesterday off to relax and read my book. I have a test next week, go figure on the same day as my French exam. I am in-between dropping the French course and taking a new language at Private University in the fall. I am talking to my professor on Monday and going to try and go to tutoring on Monday (depends on how the conversation goes).
I have been trying to ask my sister for help but I not sure if it is me or her but every time I ask for help she gets in this mood. She told me yesterday, that I lack self-confidence which made everything worse. I also made myself sick today from the amount of crying that I have been doing. I have had to be more vocal to my parents about how I feel. When my dad was driving me home on Friday from class because my sister needed the car, I was sitting in the backseat crying and my dad turned around when he was trying to move over lanes, and asked what was wrong.
I feel like if I drop the class, that says something about that give up when things get tough or don’t ask for help. I am not sure if all the stress, stomach pain (making myself ill from being stressed out), breathing problems, back pain (holding tension in my upper back, my mom was giving me a hug today and she could feel the tension running all along my back), tension headaches or crying is all worth it.
Just some thoughts, on the flip side I feel guilty because my course was close to $1,000 and the text book was $300 plus the audio. I also registered for a Greek class at Private University, just well because I have no idea what to do. Somehow, I could stay in my French 1 class that I am also registered which was all in case the credit did not transfer.
I also don’t know if I am being selfish because I want to time to read books and write blog post. Beside this post, I have been working on a post but I have no time to write.